And Nothing Shall Offend Them

February 10, 2010

It was great to read this article again! This article had a great impact on me and I remember making many changes on how I viewed and took upon feelings from interacting with others. My favorite part of the talk was, “When we believe or say we have been offended, we usually mean we feel insulted, mistreated, snubbed, or disrespected. And certainly clumsy, embarrassing, unprincipled, and mean-spirited things do occur in our interactions with other people that would allow us to take offense. However, it ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else.”
This reminded me of the fallacy of causation in chapter 4. The fallacy of causation is based on the irrational belief that emotions are caused by others rather than by one’s own self-talk. This relates to how we are the deciding factor into how we feel and how we take things given from others. We cannot blame the others for how we interpreted it. We can clear up the issue or choose to be more concise of how we explain things.
Growing up I would always get offended if someone said something that I didn’t believe was true or perceive about myself. If it didn’t fit into my mind-set it automatically didn’t qualify as true in my head and I would become offended, upset, and hurt with the person. This way of thinking gets one nowhere. They end up being mad at “the offender” and self-justified in themselves. I definitely qualify for having the fallacy of approval. It will fester inside me if I find someone who has a problem with me or who doesn’t like me. It just eats at me, and I will do whatever is possible to make them re-evaluate and change their mind. In most cases it works, and makes me feel more at peace with myself. So because of this fallacy I have, I like to make everyone like me by accommodating to their needs and being a good friend. So when I find out that someone has a problem or a criticism of me I become very worry-prone and dwell on it.
I never did take criticism well until my freshman year of college where I was blessed to have the most blunt and say-it-like-it-is roommate! She ended up being my favorite roommate because of it. As silly as it sounds I grew to love how she would point out my errors and flaws. I loved her, I knew she loved me, so I just decided to change my attitude and take her advice. This may be an extreme and uncommon example but it worked for me. I almost took a liking to her little critiques because it made me have a more watchful eye and an opportunity to better myself. It reminds me of the scripture Helaman 14:30 which says,
“And remember, remember my brethren, that whosoever perisheth unto himself; and whosoevereth doeth iniquity, doeth it unto himself; for behold ye are all free; ye are permitted to act for yourselves; for behold, God hath given unto you a knowledge and he hath made you free.”
As well as the scripture, “ Mormon 9:31, “Condemn me not because of mine imperfection, neither my father, because of his imperfections, neither they who have written before them; but rather give thanks unto God that he hath made manifest unto you our imperfections, that ye may learn to be more wise than we have been.”
This scripture made me see being rebuked, chastised, corrected, informed, etc. in a whole different light. I remember making it a personal goal of mine to take criticism better, to give the benefit of the doubt that they are sharing it only because they see the potential and how much better you can be. Seeing it from this perspective has made me become very open to criticism and has made me take the new knowledge to better perfect myself. Attitude has made all the difference!
I do believe there is a fine line between constructive criticism and rash sayings that aren’t necessarily applicable. I don’t think we should take comments out of anger or downright rude comments to heart. That is where you must learn to forgive them for what they said. Blame it on a bad day, do whatever you need to do to move on from the comment and not be offended. Of course I think it’s hard, but I think it’s harder to live with the feelings of hurt and anger towards the other for what they said than it is to not be offended. It is worth it in the long run too. I know that I don’t intentionally try to offend others so it makes me more apt and prone to believe that others feel the same way. That and we must forgive to be forgiven! (: